you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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