just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
