she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
