Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
