I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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