he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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