Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize