We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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