I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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