I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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