The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
even my farts smell like vagina
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
