She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
