So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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