just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
