It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
