he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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