Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
