Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
