i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
