We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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