By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
