Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize