No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
