apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
