sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
