I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
