So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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