You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
