i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
