Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
