you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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