Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
