I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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