Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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