If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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