I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
