I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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