we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize