I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
