I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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