this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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