I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Pooping to opera.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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