She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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