You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
