if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
