i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
