yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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