I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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