he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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