My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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