NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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