why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
