Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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