I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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