That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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