my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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