sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
