yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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