I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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