why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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