Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
