so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
