i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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