hell yes lets make some ravioli
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
