THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
