I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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