I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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